i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
