Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
