I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
