the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
