my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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