I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
