Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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