Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
