I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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