"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
