I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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