I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
