I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Sober January is a disaster.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
