R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
