I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
