I wish life had little blips of pornography
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
