I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
