i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I love you. Go after that dick
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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