Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
My cat gives me a boner
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
