i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
