You're my little dorito
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm having to shit out rocks
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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