whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
