oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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