Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
