and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
