he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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