I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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