I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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