how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
