OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
