Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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