I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
