Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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