I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
