im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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