Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
