Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
