She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
