nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
