If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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