I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
