I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
