Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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