she woke up with a sticky ear
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
