I met the friendliest cop last night
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
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Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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