I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
