I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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