Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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