so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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