I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
