Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
