I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Randomize
