haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
