Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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