GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
