you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My bed smells like the plague
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
