I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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