So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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