it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
