So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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