Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
