Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
