CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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