I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
