Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
