Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
