Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
