My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
