He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
